Warning: I've been thinking

This next post is not meant to be some warning sign that I am leaving on a jet plane or have given up on finding a real job or anything like that, but it has spawned from having a lot more time on my hands and a lot more to think about in my life.

So I began to ask the questions, "What would I do if I could _____?" So I came up with several things to fill in the blank and began exploring how my life would be different, the same, more or less interesting, happier, more depressing, and/or fuller or emptier. I think this will be more clear as I go on; so here is the some quick ones, then we will move onto the more in depth ones:

What would I do if I could:

start teaching tomorrow (that's easy- get busy and have some fun)
live in my own house (decorate, and pay more money to the government)
own a tiger (start my own drive through zoo)
be a wedding planner ( make a lot of dreams come true)
make money from this blog (then it wouldn't be like a job anymore)

alright now on to the more enlightening, thought provoking ones...get ready I've been thinking (scary):


What would I do if I could travel the world?

This question inturn made me ask many more questions like where I would go, why I would pick those places over others, and how would I pay for it. But the most important question I would have to answer is What would I get out of or take away from each place I visited to make me a better person, and what would I leave behind that would make that place better?

As I began to ponder all of these things I came up with some places that are a must if I were to travel the world. New Zealand, Egypt, Paris, Scotland, Greece, Italy have to be seen. Even though I have been to Scotland before, I promised myself that I would visit the beautiful country again. But let's get back to my original question of what I would do. I think to really travel the world I would have to sell all or most of my possessions, raise money and take only what I could carry on my back and just leave.

I know I have the tendency to over think, over plan, and in most cases forget to enjoy the moment because I'm worrying about it instead. The only way I think I could really enjoy, take in, respect, give back, and recieve anything from the wonderous places I would be seeing was if I just left. Now there would have to be some planning, don't get me wrong..but I think it would a real test of faith and trust in God that he would provide shelter, food, money, and what not along the way. What would you do if you could travel the world?


My next what if is about myself. What would I do if I could change my life?

Meaning what would I do differently, what do I wish I could change, take back, do instead of something else. The answer is not as simple as naming places I would go like the above answer; this one intails some deep thinking, reflecting, and realizing about myself, my life and who I am.

So what did I come up with...well of course there are always times I think I should have said something else, or stopped talking sooner. And there will always be the insecurities of if I will die alone or ever fall in love ( at least until it happens). But overall, I think the only thing I wish for, desire, want badly in my life is to be in the moment. I think (know) I worry too much, I look back so many times and see how God has worked in my life yet while He is working I forget to pay attention. If I could change my life, I wouldn't change my apperance, my personality, my friends, my family, my sleeping habits...I would change my focus...I am changing my focus. To be on HIM not on ME. It is sad that after being a Christian for 11 years it has taken me that long to realize that this journey of self discovery is not about myself; it is about God working through me so that I lose myself and become a light for all to see.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "they are plans for good not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11